A Cry From The Cave
I was always a late bloomer. I didn’t catch on to M*A*S*H until two years after it was on. Someone told me how funny it was and I gave it a try. I was hooked! I didn’t really “get” “Seinfeld” until two years after it was on. It seemed stupid. One night I caught a little of it, and, you guessed it, I was hooked! I heard about “FRIENDS” and didn’t watch it for several years. Darren, my son, told me I had to see it at least one time. I did, you guessed it, I was hooked. Well, the story goes on and on. It always just takes me a little time to realize how great something is until it’s been around a while. I’ve done the same thing with the Lord. I feel like I’m just catching on to the fact that I really need Him and He really is the only answer to life’s toughest issues…….That’s why I’m writing this blog to you. I’m desperate and I know ONLY God can help us right now and we need your prayers for Darren and Jennifer.
It’s like carrying around a hundred pound sack of cement every minute of every hour of every day. Only the cement for Darren and Jennifer is called Fragile X and Autism. The roller coaster messages of “medicine is coming soon for a cure”, being stark naked alone with a little boy who needs constant care, can’t be comforted, can’t be in any predictable public situation, can’t communicate, and can’t control any impulses is so difficult. Cooper only disconnects from you farther. Darren and Jennifer have never been this “alone” emotionally. They’ve held on to “this” therapy and “that” therapy, to the promise of another evaluation, another “cure” lingering out there years from now, positive thinking, “let’s get through one more sleepless night”, people telling them it will “all” be alright, and “let’s just have faith”. Anger, being numb, feeling lost, and most of all, loneliness, are not just a part of their lives, it IS their lives. Every bit of the literature says to get about 13 different kinds of therapies. You would literally have to be a millionaire to get the kind of help that would be slightly effective. There is NO time off for anyone who has a special needs child. They are exhausted and when they hand Cooper off to grandparents when they go to work, then they (we) get worn down over the week, then they fight the behavior all week-end with no let up. Hopelessness sets in again quickly. There is no end, no vacations, no time-off, no respite, no breather, no time for friends, no time for fellowship. Just exhaustion. Then at the end of the day we hand Cooper back to Darren and Jennifer who are worn out from 12+ hour days. If you haven’t seen autism face to face, it is like wrestling with an emotional cyclone! Then add on to that Fragile X. We all came to our “bottom” yesterday. Darren said he had aged ten years, was angry, hopeless, and numb. He has helped so many people and yet there is no one standing in line for him. For them, one more religious phrase only wounds them again. At the same time he and Jennifer live through this, we, as parents, live through it vicariously and in reality also. The schools, the bureaucracy, the system, watches these families as they hemorrhage slowly in to oblivion. What happens to them all? They are so unseen. So unheard. There are countless thousands of families going through this like an unspoken torture chamber.
As I write this, I realize I could pen countless pages about this “dark cave”.
Rosetta and I prayed last night trying to surrender an impossible situation to a God who sees and knows all. We cried out the unfairness, hopelessness, and stuckness we are in. Rosetta simply said, “The only hope we have is in God and His people”. We agreed to let friends we know, trust, and love, in on our private pain. We feel so weak and so small in asking for your help. It’s something to do with the cultural rule of wanting everyone to think that “YOU” have it together. “YOU” know what to do! Ha. What fools! None of us have it together! I have too many friends whose young and adult children have been and are going through so much pain that it’s unspeakable. I can’t imagine why we don’t speak out pain, fear, and sadness out loud! I just can’t imagine! As I am now in this position, I hope more people ask and beg me for prayer for their lives. I now realize how urgent and important it is to all of our survival!
Honestly, we have no hope, no energy, no words, very little faith, and most importantly, no where else to turn, but to God and His people.
Would you pray the next two months two times a week even for three minutes for Darren, Jennifer, and Cooper? I say two times because I’m so afraid one isn’t enough and to ask you for more than two, feels so invasive. Forgive me for trying to read your mind! Your prayers are all we have to hold on to. They are the last lifeline for us as we watch them disappear in this vortex of aloneness. I don’t know how God will answer, shape, involve, cure, deliver, or soothe, but I believe in the scriptures that say, “If two or more are gathered in my name”, “Faith of a mustard seed, they shall ask what they will”…. I’m not about to get caught up in the word “gathered”! If that’s by internet, phone, fifty miles distance, under water, in a shower, or on a lake…. That’s good enough. I’m not asking you to pray because I think you are super religious or a saint. I’m asking you because I trust your heart when you speak to God. You are enough like me that you “love God with all your heart and just want to be used”. Please pray with Rosetta and me for Darren, Jennifer, and Cooper!
Now, here’s the second part. I realize we need to be praying for your heartaches. You too have struggled with life’s “stuff”. I know you have. Who are we kidding?! Spiritual, physical, and emotional attacks from the enemy and from being human are guarantees. They are requirements! Please let Rosetta and I know what we can pray for in your lives also. Please! We beg of you. We want to pray for you.
Thank you for letting me be desperate.
Would you let me know when you pray for my kids and us? It will mean so much. I don’t care if it’s 3AM or Noon. Please e-mail or text me when you pray. It is what we will hold on to. It is not faith in faith in which we are clinging. It is faith in God! I will also let you know as God touches Darren, Jennifer, and Cooper.
Bill and Gloria Gaither penned a phrase in one of their songs that says, “Death had lost, and life has won”! Oh Glorious Morn!
Thank You,
Mark and Rosetta responses to markmeans@aol.com
